Not Knowing You’re Trans At A Young Age-FTM Life
What’s going on, YouTube family, it’s your boy Aydian here, and in this video, we’re going to talk about M to M Ok, first. I got the idea and like for this video, because i was on my YouNow which if you’re not a fan and following me on YouNow you should be so we can hang out and talk live and chat I got the question Aydian, do you identify as a MTM and, first, right I was like “what is that?” Second part is what is MTM? MTM just means like you identify as male to male, and based on the interaction I have this person, this individual, it was like disclaimer, not saying that you know being binary makes you a man, I’m just saying it’s like you identify your body female but you identified as a man always and then you finally got to transition your body to become the male on the outside as well. That’s my understand at least. So, I thought this was kind of a really interesting topic mostly because I’d never heard of it before so, it’s new to me. I don’t know of anybody here like, drop a comment below if you’ve heard of this before. I don’t know if, like trans-femme people identify in like FTF? You know what I mean? I have a story in the concept that like I wasn’t a five year old little girl saying “I wanna be a boy. Nobody would let me be a boy.” That’s not really the life I had. I grew up very “female” I guess. But the one difference is my mother and father were divorced at as young as age 3, and I have two older brothers. I was always into sports, I was always called a tomboy, I always was kind of allowed to play with my brothers because my mom was working a lot. So it was like, hey, as long as you know they were safe, they were with their brothers, I’m fine, I don’t have to worry about them. So, I think that was more of like, the lifestyle I had. So every sport , my brother played, I played, soccer I played, instead of baseball I played softball, I played roller hockey I wanted to play football but I wasn’t allowed, so I was a cheerleader for one whole season. You know I did ballet for like 3 years when I was like 4,5, and 6 or something super young. The point is, I never really identified as a boy when I was younger, I just knew that I liked to play fake karate with my brothers, I liked to climb trees, I liked to, you know, toss the ball and play football in the yard, I used to, like, BMX with them, and put like, run over the cup so that it would get caught in your wheel and it would sound like you were on a motorcycle. I would wear my brothers’ clothes, like I remember wearing, a lot of, like, Islander jerseys and like, hockey jerseys when I was younger a lot of Yankees stuff. But I also had, like, outfits that were all pink, like literally shirt is pink, hat is link, shoes pink pants are pink. You know I remember I had like purple overalls that were like, corduroy and they had, like a little Tweety, do you guys remember Tweety? From, like, Looney Toons? In the middle. And so like, I never had a recollection of being like “I want to be a boy.” Because I was allowed to do what all the boys were able to do. I remember in 5th grade specifically, the teacher said “Okay boys, we’re going to have, like, all three classes are going to watch a movie in the same class, so we need to bring all the chairs into this one class.” And the teacher asked for all the boys, and I remember being like “Well, I want to help, why can’t I help? I’m not allowed to help?” And I got really annoyed and mad about it, like had a little hissy fit. And so she let me help the boys bring the chairs in. I never really had that sense of wanting to be a boy. Even when I came out as a lesbian again I didn’t feel you know, I didn’t look at men and be like, “That’s me.” You know, I didn’t…I connected to how they dressed, the sports they played, you know, like school things like that. But, never really did I feel like “I want to be a boy” when I was super young. So, I don’t really identify as Male to Male. I identify as Female to Male. I even identify as like, Lesbian to Trans. You know what I mean? Because I identified as a lesbian for a long time. From as young as 13 to all the way until I was like 19 or 20, 21 til I transitioned around the year 21 years old. It’s always I really am attached and I think in the first year or two of my transition, I was just like “I don’t want to forget my past as being a girl.” But I was trying to erase it by not talking about softball, by not letting anyone see any pictures of me, by not telling anyone I was trans, right? And then I kind of hit this breaking point, of like you know what? Like, I’m actually really proud of being raised female. I’m really proud of the adversity I had to go through being female. I’m really proud to be a male in society today and have an understanding of what it’s like to have a period. Or what it’s like to be in a elevator, with you and three other dudes that are big, tall, and it’s ten thirty at night. You know what I mean? So, like, I know what that’s like and I feel like it helps me have a better understanding of both lives. Of the male life, and the female life. Now, I don’t have a perfect understanding of either lives ’cause I’ve kind of lived this in-between life. But that’s why I really don’t identify with the MTM. I’m even starting to realize, that like, my transgender status is really how I identify not even so much in this cis-male like, I definitely, actually, don’t fully identify with cis-men. I identify more with transmen, because we come from this lived experience that was female, okay that doesn’t mean that I don’t identify as a man. I’m just a new kind of man, a new version of man. So, I definitely don’t agree with MTM. And I’m curious what do all y’all agree with, like, if you’re a transmale, do you identify with MTM? Maybe you did know when you were three years old, you know what I mean? Or are you, like, a transwoman and you identify with FTF? You know, like did you always feel female from when you were like, two years old? So now you’re just finally transitioning your outward body to match the inside? I don’t know, I’m really curious to hear what you guys have to say. Have you guys heard of this terminology before? Is this like the first time you’ve ever heard of it? I thought it was really interesting when it was brought up to be in the YouNow video. So, I don’t know. Let me know. Drop your comments below. I’m very interested to hear. I think that I hear a wide variety of stories of when you first realized you were trans. You know, some people really young, some people when they were teenagers, some people when they were in their mid-twenties like me, early twenties some people when they were in their fifties or sixties. So I’m really curious to hear your guys’ story. Drop your comments below. I do read all the comments even though sometimes I don’t have the time to respond back to all of them. I do come back a couple of days you know, after I post a video, and I read your comments, so please leave them, drop them below. If you like this topic hit the Like button, if you’re not subscribed already please subscribe. You’ll get to share all kinds of things with me, go on all types of adventures with me, it’ll be really fun, really dope, I’m really curious to hear if you guys identify with MTM, so, I’m gonna be back and read these comments. So, alright guys, thanks for watching. Hope you enjoy the video, hope you’re enjoying the new, kind of, format that I’m trying to do, with like, these really live videos in a sense, and I will catch you in the next video. Alright guys. Peace Out.