Not Knowing You’re Trans At A Young Age-FTM Life


What’s going on, YouTube family, it’s your boy Aydian here, and in this video, we’re going to talk about M to M Ok, first. I got the idea and like for this video, because i was on my YouNow which if you’re not a fan and following me on YouNow you should be so we can hang out and talk live and chat I got the question Aydian, do you identify as a MTM and, first, right I was like “what is that?” Second part is what is MTM? MTM just means like you identify as male to male, and based on the interaction I have this person, this individual, it was like disclaimer, not saying that you know being binary makes you a man, I’m just saying it’s like you identify your body female but you identified as a man always and then you finally got to transition your body to become the male on the outside as well. That’s my understand at least. So, I thought this was kind of a really interesting topic mostly because I’d never heard of it before so, it’s new to me. I don’t know of anybody here like, drop a comment below if you’ve heard of this before. I don’t know if, like trans-femme people identify in like FTF? You know what I mean? I have a story in the concept that like I wasn’t a five year old little girl saying “I wanna be a boy. Nobody would let me be a boy.” That’s not really the life I had. I grew up very “female” I guess. But the one difference is my mother and father were divorced at as young as age 3, and I have two older brothers. I was always into sports, I was always called a tomboy, I always was kind of allowed to play with my brothers because my mom was working a lot. So it was like, hey, as long as you know they were safe, they were with their brothers, I’m fine, I don’t have to worry about them. So, I think that was more of like, the lifestyle I had. So every sport , my brother played, I played, soccer I played, instead of baseball I played softball, I played roller hockey I wanted to play football but I wasn’t allowed, so I was a cheerleader for one whole season. You know I did ballet for like 3 years when I was like 4,5, and 6 or something super young. The point is, I never really identified as a boy when I was younger, I just knew that I liked to play fake karate with my brothers, I liked to climb trees, I liked to, you know, toss the ball and play football in the yard, I used to, like, BMX with them, and put like, run over the cup so that it would get caught in your wheel and it would sound like you were on a motorcycle. I would wear my brothers’ clothes, like I remember wearing, a lot of, like, Islander jerseys and like, hockey jerseys when I was younger a lot of Yankees stuff. But I also had, like, outfits that were all pink, like literally shirt is pink, hat is link, shoes pink pants are pink. You know I remember I had like purple overalls that were like, corduroy and they had, like a little Tweety, do you guys remember Tweety? From, like, Looney Toons? In the middle. And so like, I never had a recollection of being like “I want to be a boy.” Because I was allowed to do what all the boys were able to do. I remember in 5th grade specifically, the teacher said “Okay boys, we’re going to have, like, all three classes are going to watch a movie in the same class, so we need to bring all the chairs into this one class.” And the teacher asked for all the boys, and I remember being like “Well, I want to help, why can’t I help? I’m not allowed to help?” And I got really annoyed and mad about it, like had a little hissy fit. And so she let me help the boys bring the chairs in. I never really had that sense of wanting to be a boy. Even when I came out as a lesbian again I didn’t feel you know, I didn’t look at men and be like, “That’s me.” You know, I didn’t…I connected to how they dressed, the sports they played, you know, like school things like that. But, never really did I feel like “I want to be a boy” when I was super young. So, I don’t really identify as Male to Male. I identify as Female to Male. I even identify as like, Lesbian to Trans. You know what I mean? Because I identified as a lesbian for a long time. From as young as 13 to all the way until I was like 19 or 20, 21 til I transitioned around the year 21 years old. It’s always I really am attached and I think in the first year or two of my transition, I was just like “I don’t want to forget my past as being a girl.” But I was trying to erase it by not talking about softball, by not letting anyone see any pictures of me, by not telling anyone I was trans, right? And then I kind of hit this breaking point, of like you know what? Like, I’m actually really proud of being raised female. I’m really proud of the adversity I had to go through being female. I’m really proud to be a male in society today and have an understanding of what it’s like to have a period. Or what it’s like to be in a elevator, with you and three other dudes that are big, tall, and it’s ten thirty at night. You know what I mean? So, like, I know what that’s like and I feel like it helps me have a better understanding of both lives. Of the male life, and the female life. Now, I don’t have a perfect understanding of either lives ’cause I’ve kind of lived this in-between life. But that’s why I really don’t identify with the MTM. I’m even starting to realize, that like, my transgender status is really how I identify not even so much in this cis-male like, I definitely, actually, don’t fully identify with cis-men. I identify more with transmen, because we come from this lived experience that was female, okay that doesn’t mean that I don’t identify as a man. I’m just a new kind of man, a new version of man. So, I definitely don’t agree with MTM. And I’m curious what do all y’all agree with, like, if you’re a transmale, do you identify with MTM? Maybe you did know when you were three years old, you know what I mean? Or are you, like, a transwoman and you identify with FTF? You know, like did you always feel female from when you were like, two years old? So now you’re just finally transitioning your outward body to match the inside? I don’t know, I’m really curious to hear what you guys have to say. Have you guys heard of this terminology before? Is this like the first time you’ve ever heard of it? I thought it was really interesting when it was brought up to be in the YouNow video. So, I don’t know. Let me know. Drop your comments below. I’m very interested to hear. I think that I hear a wide variety of stories of when you first realized you were trans. You know, some people really young, some people when they were teenagers, some people when they were in their mid-twenties like me, early twenties some people when they were in their fifties or sixties. So I’m really curious to hear your guys’ story. Drop your comments below. I do read all the comments even though sometimes I don’t have the time to respond back to all of them. I do come back a couple of days you know, after I post a video, and I read your comments, so please leave them, drop them below. If you like this topic hit the Like button, if you’re not subscribed already please subscribe. You’ll get to share all kinds of things with me, go on all types of adventures with me, it’ll be really fun, really dope, I’m really curious to hear if you guys identify with MTM, so, I’m gonna be back and read these comments. So, alright guys, thanks for watching. Hope you enjoy the video, hope you’re enjoying the new, kind of, format that I’m trying to do, with like, these really live videos in a sense, and I will catch you in the next video. Alright guys. Peace Out.

88 Comments

  1. Angelina Dimagro

    September 1, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    when i was a kid, i was never a "girly-girl", i was always called a "tom-boy" by family and friends, so thats kind of how i went with things. but when i got older, i realized that girls who acted like that weren't looked at the same in society and i didnt want to be judged or anything.. now at 17, I've finally realized and admitted to myself that im transgender. its just confusing for me. i came out to my mom last night and while being supportive and saying she'll always love me and help me figure everything out, she bought up something thats just making me confused.. how do i know that i /am/ trans, and not just still a tom boy? it would be awesome if someone could give me some advice..

  2. B.C.

    September 9, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    I knew that I identified more with boys than girls when I was 3 years old, and while there were definitely clues as I was growing up because I was very much of a tomboy, I didn't start realizing just how different I was until puberty. I started menstruation later than most of my classmates, and I remember feeling like that was validation that I really was a boy and I just for some reason didn't have the right parts downstairs. And I remember being absolutely devastated when it did start. Fast forward to 10th grade, when I remember writing kind of a diary entry letter that I crumpled up and threw in the garbage afterwards talking about how I like boys, but I like them as a boy, which was really confusing because it was the early 1990s and we didn't have the internet yet, and there were absolutely zero images of transgender men on television or in films. It wasn't until I started college that I realized there was a word for how I felt, and it wasn't until my senior year and then grad school that I really started to form a more trans identity. But I could never do anything about it back then because of finances, and so it wasn't until a few years ago that I even started binding, and I'm only just now starting to transition medically. I definitely identify as transmasculine, FTM, and it's a bit interesting for me because I work in a very feminist environment, and on the one hand, I am very much of a staunch feminist because I do think about and look at issues related to gender every single day, but on the other hand I feel a little bit like an outsider because they all see me as female and I know that I'm not. It feels a bit, I don't know if hypocritical is the right word, but like a facade? Even though I've been presenting as masculine for years now, a lot of my friends and family think that, because I'm so identified with feminism, I am female. And because I have lived that experience being treated as a female, it does affect the way that I see gender and how I see my own gender, and it also informs my feminism. It makes me aware of the differences in not only how men and women are treated, but also in the gendered expectations that we have in our society. So even though I knew I was more like a boy than a girl at the age of three, I still identify as FTM.

  3. Whateverable111

    September 15, 2017 at 5:03 am

    I know exactly what mean. I feel the EXACT same way. Thank you so much for this video.

  4. Tristan Miller

    September 20, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    I didn't realize I was Trans until I was 30 years old!
    I always felt bitter growing up because I wished I was a boy, but I didn't know what transgender was, so I just lived with being a girl.
    I struggled with a lot of depression and anxiety which no amount of medications or therapy seemed to help.
    It wasn't until I went to a group therapy program at 30, that they taught us how to deconstruct our thoughts and feelings.
    Once I did that, I remembered that feeling as a kid of wanting to be a boy.
    I went online to see if anyone else felt the same. I found channels similar to yours and watched for hours in disbelief.
    Most of the things they were saying lined up perfectly with me and my feelings.

    Most people were very surprised, especially because I am interested in men.
    And also because although I was a tomboy growing up, I never once expressed my feelings to anyone.
    Of course, there is a part of me that wishes I had figured it all out much sooner, but another part of me is glad it happened when it did because I am much more mature and mentally capable of handling this now compared to when I was a kid or a teenager.

  5. everycolourinthesky

    October 8, 2017 at 2:59 am

    Finally I hear someone that went through someone similar when little!!! I was always allowed to behave how I wanted and wear what I wanted when I was age 3 to 12 so I never had the 'I wanna be a boy' moment. I remember always picking male characters when playing make believe but I think that's as far as it went. So for the longest of times I was just a tough girl to everyone around me. It was only up until I turned 21 that things starter to rattle up. And now I'm 23 and figuring out that I'm actually a trans guy.

    And oh boy isn't this a ride. Bc after I turned 12 all my family did come down to ""teach"" me how to be more feminine and stuff, so I was heavily socialised as a female and I remember trying really hard to learn ~delicate and girly behaviours from ages 13-17. And now, at age 23 I have that shit drilled in my head.

    But also!! I agree with you so hard. I can't fully identify as a cis man. It was never something I thought of or considered, and now I do feel way more connected with other trans men and tbh have no interest to be considered cis. But now, I have to think of the man I want to be and that I want to become and it's a bit overwhelming, I never knew what kind of woman I wanted to be, now I know it's bc I never was a woman in the first place. But now I'm a v cynical and depressed person and have to think of a future for myself, as a man. As who I always wanted to be. And idk man it's a ride.

  6. Max Wells

    October 9, 2017 at 3:35 am

    I'm not trying to offend anyone but I don't think you know that your trans at a really young age because your mind has barley had any time to grow and you don't fully understand things yet I am FTM myself and I don't really agree with the MTM idea but this is just my opinion

  7. M. Smith

    October 9, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    I still say FTM F refers to the physical body not the mind or feeling, it's just a shitty outer shell

  8. KelseyOnline

    October 14, 2017 at 2:50 am

    I’m so glad you’re explaining this!!! All of this is stuff I relate to (I’m pre coming out and stuff) so much. I have a younger brother and we used to always play tackle football together in the yard and it was awesome. I wore my brothers clothes all through elementary school too. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXPLAINING THIS THOUGH! I feel like a lot of people on YouTube who are trans are really young and have known forever so it’s really nice to hear something more like my story.

  9. Samuel Martin

    October 18, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    Ftm. I didn't allow myself to explore gender till I was an adult.

  10. Abbi Head

    October 22, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    I was 8 and I kept saying I wanna be a boy I wanna be a boy. I'm 12 now and I still say it and they say no you don't. I do boyish things so I feel more like a boy even thou they don't like that. I wrestle my brothers and dad I climb trees. I like acting like this because this is how I feel

  11. Kamryn Quinn

    October 26, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    Yay someone like me! Most other people I've looked up on youtube all realized they were trans at a young age. I was beginning to feel less valid since I'm in my early 20's but it's nice to know there are other like me.

  12. melissa & Sweety

    November 1, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    this is like so relatable for me. i have started to think about me being transgender like a month ago (being a 20 year old girl) and i'm trying to figure things out for myself now. like i just had a haircut and i LOVE it! your videos are really helpful <3

  13. Armie of One

    November 1, 2017 at 8:32 pm

    This video made me feel a hell of a lot better. Thank you. I didn’t know I was trans until I was 31…sort of a “I don’t like calling myself a cis woman, but I don’t know what else to call myself.” person. And my childhood was very similar, except the boys I played with and wanted to emulate were my cousins. No one ever presented me with a strict female lifestyle they expected me to be, so the social dysphoria wasn’t so much of an issue as a kid, and because I have whole body dysphoria, (seriously, the only part of me I feel is congruent is a line of hair going up to my naval.) it was very hard to pinpoint a specific region that upset me the most, until I started definitely identify what I was feeling as feeling like a guy that simply got really strong over probably a year in various little ways. I now identify as a gay trans man, but I don’t want to be an entirely different person, but I do want people to see me as I see myself, and that is male. Some may ask why I would want to transition to just be a gay man. Gay guys are still definitely guys no matter what romantic relationships they have, and I just know that’s me, but that person who didn’t know yet was also, an unfinished me.

  14. Fallenleaves Cosplay

    November 5, 2017 at 3:33 am

    Ooooo…same….I agree with ftm not mtm….pretty much the same story as you

    I was allowed to do what I wanted so I never really thought of myself as wanting to be male….till a bit later….

    DAMN PUBERTY…(that’s when I started identifying as trans…before I was like “I’m gay” but now I’m like “IM TRANS MALE”

  15. Donna Hartman

    November 10, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    Hey! I kinda connected there with your story. But your point of view on it is kinda different to mine. So that’s kinda interesting.

    I am actually just starting to realize who I am. Having my second therapy talk next week but the first one was already very helpful. For me it was also never like oh hey I want to be that guy. It was more that I always already identified with it. When I was really young I was always just part of the guys and not of the girls. I played games with the guys, the guys were my friends, I played baseball and soccer with them. So yea I was a very happy kid, being free to do whatever I wanted.

    But on a later age, around puberty. You start to like look different you know. And that’s what I hated. Suddenly I wasn’t part of the boys anymore. They didn’t wanna be friends with a girl anymore and yea that was painful of course, so yeah I had to become friends with the girls, what I didn’t like cuz I didn’t identify with them. So that’s where I got stuck and I just focused on sports after that. But now I’m 25 and my sports career ended and I’ve realized the last 2-3 years that things just didn’t add up to what I look like. So yea Like I said I have my second talk next week and I guess I will slowly roll into the process of maybe changing my body or at least figure myself out more and become happy with what I look like even tho it’s different then what I identify with.

    I’ve subscribed to your channel, I’ll look at more videos the next weeks to learn about your experience in this all! I’ll hit you up if I have questions about anything 🙂 thnx!

  16. Kaiden E

    December 28, 2017 at 4:07 am

    I’m ftm – u and I have the same story

  17. Finn

    January 18, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    thanks for this it really helped me

  18. Dari Shesed

    January 21, 2018 at 6:52 am

    I love this video it has given me a new and fresh outlook on this i already knew! I could relate so much on what you said which is why I’d identify as FtM. I love how you described it in a nutshell as a “new type of man”! That clicked with me.

    What you said about being proud of who you were as a female and even identifying as trans instead of cis I understand. I haven’t even started T and I feel like i’d still feel that way, like i would not want to deny my experience of living as female. Even if I’m completely sure I’m a trans guy, that’s whats up.

    Also, I had heard about MtM but for me that doesn’t make sense, because I thought the point of those titles where to biologically “tell” that you were born female and then transitioned to male and vice versa with MtF. MtM is more about the mind set but i’d think biologically speaking MtM would still mean a female bodied person with the mindset of feeling male transitioned to a male looking body with the mindset of a male; so it’d be the same thing I think…

  19. Rhiann R. Ravenblood

    January 23, 2018 at 2:20 am

    Thank you so much for making a video about this. I was sorta like that when I was younger, and I’ve always felt invalidated because nearly every transgender I’ve heard of discovered their identity at a young age. Before puberty, I didn’t really have an identity, and didn’t care about gender. It was only after puberty that I realized I wanted to be a boy.

  20. Building Sam FtM

    February 2, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Woah this is really cool to hear! Sometimes I feel bad that I wasn't saying I was a boy at a young age. But the same thing happened in my childhood! I have two younger brothers and I would always just be playing with them and was always considered a 'tomboy'. It's so great seeing someone I look up to speak about things I can relate to. Thank you man, you are awesome.

  21. MF

    February 13, 2018 at 10:36 am

    "MtM" is an invention of transmen who can't accept they were born female… A lot of them even to the point of denying they were born with a vagina and not a penis (i. e. Jaime Raines… who actually claims to have been born with a penis… I think it's very sad when someone hates himself that much)

  22. Pucksandpaperbacks

    March 13, 2018 at 3:21 am

    Dudeee I needed this so much. I’m currently questioning and I’m a lesbian. I lived more of a female lifestyle yet I always played with the boys and I keep feeling like I’m not trans since I didn’t know at a young age. But I definitely think I’m lesbian to trans. I don’t feel like I fit the label of butch or tomboy. I feel myself envying men so much and I feel uncomfortable (dysphoria) when I am recognized as a female.

  23. Kjetil Angus Håland

    March 20, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    I kinda like the Lesbian to Male thing, because I identified as lesbian for like 8 or 9 years. I dunno, that makes it sound like lesbians were somehow different form other women, but I do identify more with my old identity as "lesbian" than with "female".

    I also didn't know I was male as a kid, I was just kinda bummed about being female and not even considering that it could be changed or that I had a choice in the matter.
    No one in my family are especially masculine or feminine either, we're all just kinda nerds (we literally discussed thermodynamics last night for fun) so I wasn't raised to be "a girl" and the only pictures of me in a pink dress was at a point in elementary where I thought I needed to be feminine to be accepted, but it made me too uncomfortable to really care anymore.
    I've never identified as female though (just as liking women, not as a woman who likes women).

    FtM doesn't really cut it, I don't feel like I've gone from one to the other, just kinda realizing that I'm a man. And that's it.

  24. marshmallowpie42

    March 24, 2018 at 10:05 pm

    💜💙💚💛

  25. marshmallowpie42

    March 24, 2018 at 10:21 pm

    I've had a hard time accepting myself as a trans guy since it's hard for me to relate to cis men. And sometimes I doubt my trans identity if I relate to a character who happens to be a woman. I don't know that many trans men in real life and good LGBT+ representation in tv series and books etc is hard to find.
    I wish the Wachowskis (or anyone) would make a series including a trans man (with a non-tragic narrative). I loved Nomi in Sense8 and could somewhat relate to her. Constantly seeing trans men played by cis women hardly makes it easier for me to accept myself. Also it was nice to see Nomi played by a trans woman instead of cis man.

  26. Devin Nicholas

    April 7, 2018 at 2:33 am

    I didn't realize till I was 16

  27. Anthony Adams

    April 7, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    I've always known since I was aware of who I was when I was two years old. I started dressing like a boy and played with boys toys and all my friends were boys. I started calling myself a boy and throwing temper tantrums when my mom would force me in dresses. I would kick and scream that I am a boy and ask why I had to wear a dress while all of the boys got wear suits. My mom kept passing it off as a phase, and still does, and would tell people if they asked why she's not listening to me and letting me be boy since my school district is ver relaxed on LGBT and very accepting and she would say that once puberty hit that I'd "be a girl". Puberty hit and I was scared to death because I knew that it wasn't the right puberty and that I was supposed to get face hair and a deeper voice. I began to get depressed once my period started to the point were I cut. I came out to my mom as trans in sixth grade after learning about transgender and I knew that it is who I am. My mom never got me to my doctor or to a therapist and sat on it for three years as I complained and grew angry. I met another boy in my school who is trans and spoke to him and now were friends with two other trans boys in our school. My mom and my grandma were trying to get me to wear a dress for my confirmation and when I looked in the mirror, I broke out in tears. My mom's friend who has a daughter who's lesbian convinced my mom and grandma to let me wear a suit to my confirmation. It was then that I realized what I had to do. I came out again to both my parents as trans this past February before my birthday. I also came out my senseis in March and they changed my name in the system and started referring to me as Anthony and as a boy. I also came out my guidance counselor at the same time as my parents and he sent an email to all my teachers asking them to call me Anthony and a boy. My mom is having a very hard time accepting me and my dad has always seen me as his son. I just turned fifteen, and I'm a freshman. I feel like I do identity with MTM because I've always known that I am a boy and I've always identity as such. I can't remember the last time that I thought of myself as a girl because I never have.

  28. Brooklyn Wray

    April 13, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    hey man i am now 26 haven't gone through HRT yet but no i have never heart of the terminology MtM but watching this vid i have learnt something new, i grew up feeling very masculine obviously for me i went on and off into a feminine mode but was always majority of the times masculine as hell, in terms of identifying as MtM i don't think i do at the moment, right now i identify as Ftm trans

  29. Rachel Tremaine

    April 17, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    This makes so much sense to me I'm struggling so much and the minute to the point we're I've attempted suicide actually thought I was alone thinking I haven't grown up thinking I wanna be a boy I have also been a lesbian for years I'm now 26 and am coming to the conclusion that I feel I need to transition I'm just worried as I felt it was quite an older age

  30. Traveling with the Gramkracker

    May 19, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    I think for me I have always felt androgynous. I’ve always been looked at as a tomboy. however I have been pigeonholed into a lot of different female roles within society. I am a mother, I am a grandmother, and now I’m a great grandmother. I always was in groups that I didn’t fit in because the groups were predominantly female, because that’s what my AGAB dictated and I never fit. I always wanted to do the things that guys did but growing up in the Era I grew up we were just not allowed. We were programmed to grow up, find a husband to take care of us and have children. I loathed living in that role. As far as feeling F toM orM to M I don’t think I fit in either, As I still feel that I am androgynous both designed as male and as female. However I prefer to be more masculine. When I grew up males were the owners the bosses of females therefore I’m having a very hard time transitioning into the very gender that I hated so badly. I’m OK with being a guy but being a man, that scares me. I like The term you used “a new kind of man“ that is intriguing and to understand that I could be, a new kind of man and not the old “man” that I grew up around makes me feel good about transitioning. The entire argument of becoming a man like the those from my past is what has slowed my decision to get on T. I’m still trying to process a lot of this. I am transitioning from AFAB to ???? I guess a more manly me, And I am quite happy with where I am going at this point. I do believe that T will be in my near future and top surgery will be as well. Hope this helps some of those that fit in that awkward in between area. Rādie

  31. Eli

    June 30, 2018 at 8:48 am

    I always IDed as male since as long as I can remember, but I just say I'm ftm. Personally I think we overdo it with terminology. We all have our own unique identity and life story, no label is going to fit all of us. So tell me your story instead. Terminology doesn't capture nuances and subtleties.

  32. LittleFlyingAnimationMV's

    July 8, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    I only have to say that I love you. I am proud to see how you started questioning your gender in mid 20’s, because it’s the same with me. Haha, please stop motivating me to be myself. I’m not ready for that XD
    But in all seriousness, good job and…I love you, in a bro-way

  33. Bee jesus

    July 17, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    I have the exact same experience, and I was terrified that because of it I wasn't actually trans and that it was all a phase and that I was going to regret ever saying anything. I'm so, so thankful you shared this with us, thank you so much. All the trans guys I know have known since they were 3, and knowing that theres someone se out there with the same experience as me so so comforting. So again, thank you.

  34. -aste

    July 18, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    I remeber when I was 10 years old, I said to my parents just after I saw a segment of a tv show with a drag queen on it, "If I was born a boy, I wouldnt want to be a girl I would just be a really fabulous drag queen" (I wasnt hella girly back then, surprisingly)

  35. Khara Blu [Anthro Wolfcoon}

    July 30, 2018 at 11:57 pm

    I never really showed too many masculine traits up until I was about 12 but I never liked my name and such. For a long time I tried TOO hard to be a girl wore too much makeup and dresses but was never happy and I finally gave in to comfortable clothing which is skinny jeans and t shirts then I discovered the lgbtq community an found where I fit as ftm. But I came out to my mom and her response was screaming in my face YOUR’E NOT A BOY and she is now emphasizing she her pronouns but I’m finally comfortable with he him pronouns and a different name… I never had those younger traits but now I’m comfortable and it has been 2 years and I have stuck with it but it makes me feel a little less valid not having known when I was younger… I’m 15 now.

  36. RedSnuupy

    August 7, 2018 at 12:48 am

    Ftm im 25 and just now exploring being a trans man. I was able to be a boy as a kid, tomboy of course, and my sexuality is fluid so i thought i was, but realizing thats not true….. ugh and its a pain.

  37. Sebastian Emmerson

    August 21, 2018 at 11:27 pm

    This video has helped me so much. I’ve only just realised I’m trans and I’m 20yo. I’ve never regretted being female or my upbringing and I’m grateful for the diversity it has brought to my life, but I could never figure out why I was so anxious about my body and why I had such a jarring mental projection of it compared to the reality. I always thought it was self-esteem. When I was 15, I suffered with anorexia because I hated the curves in my body. I recovered but continued to feel dysphoric about my chest/body shape. I’ve always regarded the male form with envy, but mistook it for attraction, until I realised sleeping with men was making me extremely unhappy. I cannot wait to transition but I’ve been so anxious that people won’t believe me or people won’t take me seriously because of how feminine I was before. Thank you so much for this video. I’m forever going to be grateful for this.

  38. Melissa Peck

    August 24, 2018 at 1:23 am

    I'm loved this video. I'm leaning so much. Never heard this terminology before. I'm just a straight female that had one of your other videos pop up on my YouTube for some reason and I've been hooked. My 20 yo niece is in a happy relationship with another female. Her girlfriend does dress and identifies more as a boy. My other sister is bi. I just want to learn as much as I can so I can give my full support. I love that your videos are also based on all topics especially the fitness. My fiance is also very healthy and it's nice to see some of your workouts. Thanks again for all of your information for someone that just wants to be able to learn and be able to show support.

  39. Grady Barney

    September 8, 2018 at 4:23 am

    Thank you so much, I thought that I was the only one that found out they are trans later in life

  40. Jay West

    September 21, 2018 at 2:22 am

    No such thing as m2m. You used to be female no matter what. You're a trans male, and that's it.

  41. Vic Vega

    October 13, 2018 at 3:52 am

    I always identified as a boy, or definitely believed I was a boy until I was told otherwise at school or later by my parents. So I literally always felt in drag when trying to fit the woman image I was expected to. It was finally when I decided to cut my hair short that I felt finally like myself again, and later on with hormones that felt like another amazing home coming.

  42. Genny D

    October 20, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    Great video. Insightful, wise words. Society needs exactly this kind of 'new' male that you represent.

  43. Lola

    November 2, 2018 at 11:28 am

    I’ll be honest, this video is kind of alarming. Not to encroach on any one’s transition but as trans person who didn’t grow up in a rigid cis gender environment and was never reprimanded for “being myself self “at a young age I always felt the gender I transitioned on the outside to identify as to the world. So for me it’s a relief for people other than my family to see me as I’ve always been. Even wearing considerably androgynous/male clothes at a young age people always thought I was female because of my essence etc.I genuinely feel there’s a deep rooted biological reason I am the way I am. So to me it’s about changing gentitalia and otherwise I would consider myself intersex and ftf.

  44. Valorie Velocity

    November 3, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    Yo, this is really interesting and this video helped me a lot. I had a similar childhood experience of not being stopped from being boyish when I was little. I've been questioning my own gender a lot over the last year and hearing someone with the same kind of memories makes me a lot more confident in myself and I feel more able to express myself as I truly am now.

  45. Xela D

    November 23, 2018 at 2:13 am

    I'm questioning and confused. I like my face and hair and body cause I think I'm pretty, but at the same time I feel a dissatisfaction. I've wanted to rip my long hair off for years but feel like itd look bad with my feminine face. I've always wanted bigger arms and muscle. I have thoughts that confuse me sometimes in general. I didn't realize I might be trans till recently.

  46. Andrea Superstyle

    November 26, 2018 at 12:27 am

    😍😍😍

  47. UpAndAdam

    December 13, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    Dude you basically just told my life story… My parents divorced when I was four, and I was raised by a single mom, with two older brothers. I was always a tomboy, playing with my brothers and wearing their old clothes, but I also had a feminine side growing up. I took ballet lessons for three years before I hit double-digits. I was very petite but still did a lot of heavy lifting and physical activity (like unloading chairs with the boys). I even identified as a lesbian when I hit my late teens. I started questioning my gender identity around that same time, and didn't fully begin to realize I was trans until I hit 27, which was almost a year ago. I've struggled greatly with the validity of my trans-ness because I didn't feel it from a young age, and because I still feel very accepting, even grateful, for my female upbringing. I don't want to 'get rid of' my feminine side; I just want to feel more like me. So I guess the answer to your question is, no I do not identify as MTM; I am very much FTM. Thank you for helping alleviate some of my anxiety; I feel much more real now.

  48. Cryptid Jaden

    January 3, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    Love this video! I'm going through a lot of doubt because i didn't "always know", and everything you said in this video ((minus the sports, I was never really a jock)) is really relatable and very comforting. I don't want to forget my female experience either!

  49. Silvana Mendez Elizondo

    January 4, 2019 at 2:19 am

    I really needed to see this video Thank you

  50. Lucky Snack Creations

    January 13, 2019 at 1:52 am

    Idk about me though. I’m always kinda uncomfortable, bc when I was a kid I never suffered from dysphoria. I was a tomboy as a little little kid, but the last three years before transitioning I was obsessed with being a hyper feminine doll (with the exception of boobs, I always wanted them gone.) now when I talk to family members, they don’t take me seriously because “it’s so sudden” and “you were so cute and feminine”

    So that’s weird bc idk what to call myself

  51. Charlie Tacos

    January 20, 2019 at 3:41 am

    Woah this really helped, from when I was a baby to like 10 or 11 I wore really girly clothes (dresses and pink) but I also worse pink overalls and I had a pink tractor. I was raised with my brother so I ran around in my underwear, rode tractors, shot my pink gun, recorded me and my brother fighting with action figures, playing ninjas, and much more. But once I got to 12 years old and I started going to school (I was homeschooled before) they would separate us by gender. They let the boys pick up the chairs and I was also mad I didn’t get to help. I’m now transgender and my mom isn’t supportive and tells me it’s a phase because if it wasn’t a phase it would’ve started from when i was younger. My mom is a hardcore Christian and also thinks I’m going against god by being this way. She wants to get me a therapist because she ALSO said I’m this way because of other problems I have caused by my parents divorce. I’m highly uncomfortable discussing this matter with my mother because nothing I say will change her mind. ATM I’m in trouble because I ordered a Chest binder online. She hates my best fiend because she came out as Bisexual a while after I came out as Trans and gay. My mom says she thinks my best friend is also to blame for me being trans even tho I’m the one who came out first and said anything about being trans. She also said the internet is to blame, no the internet isn’t to blame because I already knew I was trans but I found out the correct word for being trans online. I have 4 more years until I can get out and go to college. When I go to college I plan to go to a different state and be stealth. I told my cousin I was trans but she pretended not to hear it. I told my other cousin JJ I was trans and he told my aunt(his mom), and he also told her I showed him inappropriate pictures online. His mom called my mom, my mom went though my phone and found out I sent my chest binder to my bisexual friend and got pissed. I was also bullied at school last month (December of 2018) and ended up getting physical with the kid. Don’t worry, I ended up not getting hurt by the boy, the only way I got hurt was by punching him so hard I couldn’t move my hand afterwards. My mom also likes to say: “You’ll never be a boy even if you take T, or grow a beard.” “You don’t even act like a boy” “Stop getting happy when people call you a boy.” And sometimes worse. I hate my situation but I refuse to give up

  52. mister lobotomy

    January 31, 2019 at 4:22 pm

    Late as hell do this video, but it's super refreshing to hear. You hear a lot of stories of how some trans people "always knew", and that can sometimes (and totally unintentionally) invalidate those of us who didn't really understand what we were feeling until much later. Thank you for this.

  53. Sublimin Tea

    January 31, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    I mean, I knew what trans was when I was younger, but I never ACTUALLY knew what it was. I was 14 when Caitlin Jenner came out. And I was 15 when I started to really question who I was, but I got pushed down because my parents are transphobic, so I just thought I was a tomboy.
    18 years old, I finally realize I am trans.

  54. Drew Miller

    February 7, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    I correlate with this story so much lol, I had the same color of cordaroids and growing up I was a tomboy and I was so happy when my brother would give me his clothes that didn't fit anymore, I remember when I wore my first "stud" outfit it looked RIDICULOUS but I felt so free oss, I had on some black jeans, a plaid shirt that was a little too big and some huge black boots, I got a good few compliments and since then I started dressing as I liked (like my PFP) & I grew up playing basketball with my brother and neighbors and watching WWE with my brother, playing the game with him and going out with him and his friends oh my goodness and my favorite baby picture was always and still is this cute picture of me looking straight faced at the camera with a yellow and blue nautica shirt on! Although, i still went through the phase of wearing skirts and cute little sandals so I'd still identify as FTM because I know that my whole childhood wasn't just me showing my true colors, it was moreso my mom and dad's idea of me

  55. Black and Bryan

    February 15, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    I grew up never thinking I was a boy, but I WAS a major tomboy. And for a while now, I've been thinking I'm trans, but I feel bad when I see people say "I knew since I was BORN I was a male in a female body," because that wasn't me, at least until my young adult years.

  56. PhilippineFoodRULES

    February 18, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    I had a similar past though I have 2 older sister. I was called a tomboy when I was younger. I played a bit of sports though not much. I'm 17 now but I'm still going through my transition. I cut my hair a little while ago n I'm trying to get both a chest binder n a packer. I'm also trying to work out more to get some muscle (n lose some weight). In the future I plan on starting T n having top n bottom surgery.

  57. The Gayest Gay That Ever Gayed

    February 22, 2019 at 4:31 am

    This video and comment section is so pure I love it ❤️

  58. Darek Blakesley

    February 22, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    I'm more of androgynous to male. I can't say female, it was really neutral when I was a kid. If I say ftm I'm pointing at sex like biological, anatomycal stuff. I don't really care about genders and their roles, if I'm asked I just say "I'm trans male". I played with everything, with everyone, I had the feeling that I should look like the cis males when we were on the toilet but actually didn't care much. We just beat eachother with sticks and played in the mud, with cars, with dolls, with rocks with anything. I didn't know what they mean by calling me "girl" and honestly didn't care much. Later on…of course it changed but I can say I grew up thinking at myself as a person, not involved in any genders. Like "are you a boy or a girl?". I'm a kid. Now leave me alone so I can go and play.

  59. Flavored Moon

    February 23, 2019 at 3:38 am

    I’ve been looking for a trans masc person to talk about their experiences that I can relate to and when you said that you were allowed to act like a man that really hit close to home bc most ftm people aren’t allowed to do that. I remember this scene when I was younger I was ranting on about how proud I was to be a tomboy and I remember wanting to help out with the guys moving tables and chairs. I’ve really been questioning my gender lately but I do know that I am some kind of transmasc and this helps me a lot on knowing what I want to be

  60. Mr.EliWearsTopHats

    February 26, 2019 at 7:38 am

    I'm so happy I'm not the only trans guy who didn't grow up saying "I'm a boy." My family says they don't believe I'm trans because I liked pink, had barbies I played with, and tea sets and dresses, even did ballet for a while, but I also played with the neighborhood boys and loved play-fighting and climbing/exploring in the woods behind our houses. It feels really good to know I'm not the only one who didn't necessarily identify as a man until late in life, sometimes I feel pressured to reshape my past experiences to try and justify how I feel now. I guess I'm still learning to accept the fact I used to be a "girl" but live life as a man now. This video has helped a lot!!

  61. Teddy

    February 26, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    YOU dear Sir, might have saved my life today… ♥

  62. Maia Bailey

    February 26, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    I'm MTF and I definitely didn't know i wanted to be a girl when I was young. I liked girly things but my shame kept me in the closet for years. I never Identified as gay because i'm bi. I used to play with army stuff because my family was military going back to the civil war. So i never had anyone feminine in my life. I played football for a year but it just wasn't me. My earliest memory was as a 4 year old wearing my mothers clothes and being caught by her all i felt was shame and got angry when she asked if I wanted to be a girl. And also when I was 5 i looked in a mirror and didn't recognize my own reflection. I'm definitely a mix between feminine and masculine woman. I know now it doesn't make me less trans that I didn't know back then just wish I had transitioned when I was much younger.

  63. Phantom Forgotten

    March 11, 2019 at 6:08 am

    I don’t know if I’m trans. I don’t really hate being a girl, I just feel like I would be more comfortable as a guy. I was raised as a girl, but I never got into makeup or dresses and I always had long hair. I remember it was always pulled back because I didn’t feel like dealing with it lmao. I also never liked sports, but I really love books and video games. If I had a choice I would cut my hair short, but I live with my parents and in a conservative area. My parents are not accepting and they are super homophobic, so if they found out I would get kicked out of my house… Anyone else dealing with something similar?

  64. Kaiden Hanshaw

    March 15, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    I would say I am FTM. I grew up a girl, but like, a tomboy type girl. I identify a lot with your story because I did a lot of the being in all the sports, wanting to play football but not being allowed, I wore boys clothes a LOT more often than girls, and I liked hanging out with the guys more. It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school, though, that I thought it meant anything more than I'm a tomboy. I began to identify as genderfluid, because that is what felt right. I did/do experience dysphoria though with things like long hair, or being labeled as a female, or my chest, or being called "girly", especially when it came to this guy I spent the back half of my high school career with, always making sure I knew he thought I was "the girliest person he had ever met", that hurt a lot. But I didn't know, with my label and still enjoying some feminine things, that I could be trans, until I graduated and dug more into it and talking to people who were trans. Now I identify as a trans non-binary, who leans more masculine. And I am very happy in that.

  65. Seth Buttrick

    March 20, 2019 at 1:13 am

    This video is definitely what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. It kept freaking me out that I was never MTM and I saw all the people in the media saying they were… thank you.

  66. A. Callahan

    March 22, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    cries internally bc it's ACTUALLY fucking ME 🙃🙃

  67. *cries in potato language*

    March 23, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    When i was little i wasn't really identifie myself as a boy but i never really wanted to put makeup because i just could not i didn't like it but it wasn't brother me to wearing dresses or skirt. When my puberty comes i wasn't feeling okay about my apparence and i didn't like wearing dresses anymore i don't even know why and more i grow up in my puberty less i was feeling girly and i didn't wanted to be like the other girls. I was considering myself as a tomboy but not FTM until that day when i was at school and i was drawing myself as a boy just for fun and then a question past in my mind "am i really a girl?" and this question really hit me i started watching video of trans people and until that i was jealous of the boys bodies i was thinking stuff like "why i'm now flat like them'' and i didnt liked my body, when i imagine myself as a boy and when people missgender me with "young man" "he/him" i feel confident but at the same time i fell that something wrong with me but i dont know what…it's been 2 weeks that i over thinking about my identitie and have anxiety attack so please can someone help me because i can't take it anymore help thanks

  68. Oliver

    April 14, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    This has helped me so much. You are such a genuine person and I love watching all your videos <3 Thank you for this video and everything that you're doing

  69. DєѧԀ Pooʟ

    May 4, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    Yo I completely agree with and am going through Similar things (tho not the exact same life of course lol) you did. I've been living my life as a very very VERY butch lesbian since I was 16 yrs old and knew I was into girls by like 13 or 14 yrs old so I just thought that I must just be a lesbian. But I'm 23 now and just recently I've realized that I'm Transgender and going through my very early stages of transitioning rn. I didn't know as a kid, but I always kind of.. idk thought "like a guy" and played outside, ride bikes, climb trees, I was basically one of the guys as a kid and when I hit puberty at 12 I knew that my chest was an entire problem. It sucked when I couldn't walk around with my shirt off anymore. However, as I grew my family thought maybe I'll grow out of my "boyish" ways, but by high school I was clearly not changing or growing out of anything any time soon lol. I never felt right calling myself a girl or her or female and I've always felt more like a guy. In fact in new places I'm generally passing as male even before I knew I was Transgender and that feeling of.. idk "right-ness"
    I guess I could say, for lack of a better word, when I was being addressed as a guy was always there but I've never really challenged the idea (until more recently) of me actually feeling and realizing that I am a guy. I recently came out to all my close friends and my immediate family and I'm blessed that they are all so supportive of me. I'm FtM pre T and pre everything really and it feels like an eternity before I can at least start T, but I've got my whole life to live. It gets hard, but I know I have time and it does get better. Just taking it one day at a time.

  70. Fruzsina Tóth

    May 13, 2019 at 4:53 pm

    You are ridiculously good looking and I really like your voice!

  71. K L

    May 16, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    Hey! I'm a trans guy who started their transition later in life (25), and I've always very firmly identified as a female person who became a male person. I was always 'tomboyish' growing up, but never wanted to be a boy, and thoroughly enjoyed being perceived as and living as female up until my mid 20s when I started playing with gender a bit more. I've always felt a little self conscious around other trans-masculine folks who have known from the moment the exited the womb, or the whole idea of being 'a man trapped in a womans body' just generally not fitting, so it's great to hear of other folks who have had somewhat similar experiences.

  72. coriori

    May 18, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    I think I realized what was up when I was 12, but before that I was never very proud of my body, and I never felt very comfortable being feminine. I tried to push myself to be feminine more and more and accentuate my features but it made me feel worse, and I did research and found a lot of people that were transgender and I realized that it was what I was going through, too,,, I started experimenting with clothes and I tried to bind (not with bandages, don’t worry) and found that I felt a lot better presenting myself like that. I changed my name to cori (which is already my middle name) because it’s more neutral and I felt a lot better with it, told people that I felt better with different pronouns , etc. but it took me a while to figure everything out, too. Thanks for reassuring me that it’s still valid to not know until you’re a little older ,,, much love from New York haha

  73. crazy cat

    May 30, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    Thank you for this video. I've been really confused because I am 30 and only just really excepting I'm probably non binary. But I've felt like maybe I'm not really trans because as I kid I was just classed as a tomboy but never thought I didn't identity as female until I was around 16 when I realised I just didn't fit as a female. But even knowing that I still thought I couldn't be trans because all stories of trans accounts I've heard have said the person knew from being a child that they identified with a different gender to the one they were born with.

  74. Tylan MIchael

    June 8, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    Hey Aydian, my name is Tylan Michael Murphy. I either go by Ty or Murph. I have enjoyed following your videos. I would consider myself as MTM for Iv always felt like a male trapped in a females body for as far back as i can recall, back to a very young age of 3 or so. From the cloths and the things i was in to, to grabbing my crotch like a male and even refusing to sit to take a leak lol. I can remember knowing i was into females at an age of 4. And alot of my family will tell you that they even knew i was at a very young age before i myself even knew. I was born in 1987, though i have just now started T shots roughly 5 months ago. I learned about the option of taking T only a couple of years ago and to be honest, it kind of made me feel as if i where cheated in life bc I learned that alot of people where given the opportunity to start T at a very young age inwhich gave them the upper hand bc the T had stopped the development of the female makeup/features in exchange for all male features. It actually made me stop and resent my mom and dad for a moment. I currently take 0.6ml T shots biweekly. I also battle alot of health issues which steam from having type 1 diabetes since the age of 7 and has caused me to become disabled.
    I hope your videos help to reach out to others at a younger age so they have the knowledge of the options available today in hopes they wont have any resentment towards family and wont be so hard on their self.

  75. donny s

    June 17, 2019 at 3:30 am

    Ftm doesn't fit for me because I have never felt female. However I'm not sure about mtm because like you were saying I don't always feel like a cis guy, I do feel like a new or different version of a man.

  76. IrvTheCat

    June 24, 2019 at 2:09 am

    I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video! When I was younger I wasn't worried about my gender, I was more worried about the monster under my bed or when my stuff animal would get out of the washing machine. I was a girly, and did act girly. It was only when puberty hit me did I start question my gender identity. I thought I was a tomboy, ya know. But i realised i has been insisting on going by male pronouns online and hated female pronouns and sometimes my name. But there will be days that im ok with it? I do find myself hating my body much more than i did when I was younger, it just doesn't feel right. I still worry about not being valid because of how I acted when I was younger and I'm still having a hard time accepting myself. But, this video help me a lot 🙂 thank you!

  77. littleghostythings

    June 26, 2019 at 4:08 pm

    This is very much my experience growing up. I'm an artist so I tended to lean more towards creative endeavors than sports growing up but that doesn't mean I didn't participate in a LOT of steriotypical 'guy' stuff. Boys and girls weren't really defined as different from each other socially, at least not as strongly, until puberty (when the problems arose).

    I liked my barbies, unicorns, fairies and mermaids when I was little, but I also wanted desperately to go camping with my brothers boy scout troop, learn horseback riding and go fishing. My dad is a surfer so I've grown up surrounded by surfing culture. I swam, snorkeled, kayaked, I was always the outdoorsy type. Right around 10 years old, when I began to develop quicker than the rest of my friends I felt this disdain for colors associated with girls cause I didn't want to be stuck with such a limited pallet based on something that didn't really concern me in the past. The harder things were forced on me the harsher I felt about it, whether it was gender defining or not really didn't become a noticeable topic to me til my late teens.

    It's true, in a lot of cases people just aren't aware or aren't as sure in the beginning as other people are and I think it's chocked up to how you were raised to perceive the gender divide. When you are left to your own devices a lot of ppl come to terms later in life because they didn't have the triggering obstacles earlier on to thrust them into a decision. For others the pressures of gender conformity are just too strong against their feelings that they are capable of making that mental and emotional change sooner than sometimes even they realise. All ways are okay ways.

  78. Dietrich Ahlers

    July 9, 2019 at 4:17 am

    I realized I was trans a few days ago and am FTM. Just about yesterday I wanted to transition to male. It's a new era for me

  79. YungbludWales

    July 11, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Surely technically that just makes every trans guy MTM because if you identify as Trans now you've always been trans whether you knew yet or not

  80. Ísis R.

    August 17, 2019 at 6:48 am

    Oh god, hearing you talk, omg, i'm shooketh, you're hitting all the points, all of them, one after the other, i can't stop nodding as i agree with everuthing you are saying, this video is so eye-opening, thank you so much omg

  81. Cicento_Boi

    August 19, 2019 at 8:05 am

    Yeah Id definitely still go with FtM. When I was little, I was actually pretty girly, as in I didnt mind dresses, long hair wasnt a problem. I didnt even really get dysphoria. Real quick context for my living situation, i live and always have lived with my grandmother. I visit my mother, I dont see my father. Me and my uncle grew up in the same house, hes only 5 years older than me. My older brother lives with his grandparents on his father's sides, and he used to come over a lot, hes 3 years older than me.
    When I was younger I always wanted to do what they were doing, but I feel like that was less cause thay were boys doing it, and more cause they were siblings doing it. When I came out I was 11and i honestly only did because after I uh…. Hit puberty, my dysphoria went from nothing to it feels like someones shooting me in the chest.
    This com.ent is all over the place, its 430 am and I need to be up at 730 so rip me

  82. andy wants a beer

    August 30, 2019 at 11:19 am

    I'm so glad you did this video
    I'm 18 and I started to question my gender

  83. TransSpirit

    September 4, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    This is a super helpful video. I 100% relate to your experience – I don't relate to M2M either. I didn't think I was a boy or consciously "wish" I was a boy growing up largely because, like you, I played with my brother and his friends all the time, wore my brother's clothes, etc. So, I got to do all the things I wanted to do. I also had a strong connection to being female and a "daughter", "sister" etc. As I got older, the separation between male and female increased and I wasn't able to do the "male" activities anymore, so that began to create resentment and confusion about why I couldn't participate. AND puberty made things hard of course because then the body dysphoria started. I sometimes say I feel like I was born a girl and grew up to be a transguy.

  84. Anrico Butt Bootchi

    October 8, 2019 at 2:47 am

    oml meeeeee

  85. aaronmajjor

    October 9, 2019 at 7:06 am

    I didn’t know I was trans until like three years in puberty, which was when the dysphoria really hit and I still identify as MTM, but really, I just identify as male. I’d prefer to just see myself as a male and not trans male and all that shit. Although I didn’t feel like a boy when I was younger, I know that I was never a girl. I just think I wasn’t aware of gender at such a young age or that I might’ve released my inner dysphoria to something like anxiety. Right now, I know that I am 100% fully a male and that this wasn’t because I transitioned to male. No woman would have chosen to transition to male. Only men want to be men and when they’re not, dysphoria occurs, this disconnect between mind and body occurs. I was always a man, I just didn’t know it yet but I know now. Idc if my body may not have been male, Idc if I wasn’t raised as a male, I am still and always will be and always was a male. All I have now is simply the understanding for the lives of women, but I never was one. I didn’t transition from a woman. It’s like putting dresses on a man their whole life and then the man decides to take them off and suddenly they call themselves FTM even though they never really were a woman in the beginning. Even though you went through the experience of a woman, you went through it as a man, which is undeniable. Mind overrules everything imo. Idc who I might’ve been seen as or what life I might’ve experienced. I was a man then and I am a man now.

  86. Hunter Young

    October 10, 2019 at 3:47 am

    Always wanted to be a boy even asked Mom if I could outside and play with no shirt. Convinced her dress me as a male.

  87. erin delaney

    October 13, 2019 at 12:08 am

    Wait I think I had those overalls lol

  88. Alex Jaleson

    November 11, 2019 at 5:10 am

    This almost helps, but I still never behaved particularly 'male.' I don't fit the stereotypical role, and to me that's okay, but I'm hyper conscious of the fact that everyone else was the typical tomboy first. And that scares me. I don't want to try and detransition socially, because it took a lot of work and rejection to get here.

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