Learning to trust yourself after Emotional Abuse inside the family


So after discovering the abuse, and the different
aspects of the abuse in our last posts and videos, let’s dive into the huge mess inside
you. Yep, because let’s be honest, even Hurricane
Katrina was less messy than you, and that’s seriously said something. The question is, How are you trusting yourself
after abuse? Or are you better not trusting yourself during
this healing process? And where are you going from there? For the best practical advice and knowledge
on how to heal from emotional abuse, subscribe to my channel and hit the bell to be notified
when I posted a video every Wednesday. So let say you were emotionally abused for
a long time as a child. People who were supposed to attend your needs
as food, clothes, attention, gentleness, love, send you the message your needs were not important,
not only not important but also not legitimate. And because of that long term experience,
emotional abused become your baseline. We also agreed that, during your childhood,
you built your paradigms upon this emotional abuse. And in conclusion, your internal setting locks
you into everything reminding you of this abuse. The result would be you being attracted to
abuse in any form, size, or colors presented to you (a guy, a friend, a boss and everything
in between). I am damn serious sister: One sexy guy (an
abuser) in the middle of 100 other very sexy men, and you will be able to find him and
fall in love under 2 mins. So what would be your next challenge? The main challenge you are facing right now
is taking a part of your baseline and “simply” put a question mark on it. You meet someone and he seems interested? Yo lady, slow down and think. What are you seeing in him? Why is he interested in you? Does he feel the abuse on you? Why do you feel a connection? Where are you right now? Are you in a good place? Are you stable? Do you know what you want from life? But the more important question would be:
do you understand what well-being is? Because without answering those questions,
you can’t trust yourself. This seems quite simple, right? But this process is also the most complex
challenge you will face during this healing process. You can’t trust yourself. And I mean YOU CAN’T TRUST your internal dialogue,
you can’t trust the choices you make in term of friends and romantic partners (during this
process at least and until you are able to change your baseline)
What are the 3 ways you can use to reeducate yourself and experiment with a healthy life? First Your Therapist: Your new baseline
Your therapist is the one person you can trust. You will work with him to check yourself and
understand the influence of the abuse on your life, your past and present choices. He is the person you will question yourself
with, about your motivations, your ego. This guy will be the person you will go to,
to rebuild a baseline. He will lead you to experience a new way to
live your life and imagine yourself in your futures choices and enjoying a new internal
dialogue. His or her reactions will become an external
new baseline and with time and work, it will become your baseline. A Metaphor
It would be the exact same idea with someone who had a car accident and needs to wear a
back corset. The corset will help him stand straight during
his reeducation period and then he will be able to stand straight without the corset. During this process, the Therapist is your
corset. And whatever seems to you the usual, would
be an echo or a consequence of your past abuse and will need to be questioned. Your job is to listen, to yourself, to your
life, to whatever is happening to you. And question yourself: Is it me or the abuse? Can I trust my interpretation of reality or
would I be better to check myself? To be honest, during this time, I became paranoid. I was so angry at the people who did this
to me, and I literally wanted to erase them from my life. My timeline: 4 years. Second, experiment and invite yourself to
people This process begins with opening cautiously
yourself to alternative ways of life, ways of thinking, ways of considering your life. Go to others, to their home for weekends,
understand how they are living, what are they doing to enjoy their life, how they are reacting
to each other. Connect yourself (again cautiously) to people,
you are curious about and choose wisely the ones you would like to “study”. Check with your therapist your choices, and
any feedback about those experiences. Work on comparing those new ways of living
to your baseline. And understand the differences. You will fail and you will succeed and you
will face setbacks and you will go on and learn and at the end, you will succeed again. Please search for “Experiment with Others”
in my Resource Library And last but not least, Books
One book did a great job opening myself to others. Please please please don’t laugh. I am sooooo old (42). So my book references are a little bit old
fashion. Drummers please: “The Monk who sold his Ferrari”. Yes Robin Sharma, and yes, he was already
on the market when Tony Robbins was still in diapers (exaggerating but close enough)
and yes I LOVE Tony ROBBINS but “Robin” and I mean MY ROBIN was my first love and you
never forget your first love. Why this book? Because it taught me you can challenge the
way you live your life, and the sky won’t fall on your head. I realized I would be able to “appeal” and
change whatever was taught to me for decades, whatever paradigm I was forced to make mine. This day, I begin to walk a path of freedom,
of creativity, of meaning. I begin to put a question mark on my believing
and my internal dialogue. This day, I begin my journey to become an
individual, free and creative. The Book story:
A very successful, powerful, rich and unhappy lawyer decides to erase from his life, everything
not true, profound and meaningful. He totally changes his way of living, the
way he relates to others. He redefines for himself (and for others)
what means success and the way he looks at life. But the most important part of this change,
the truly transformative factor was the fact he searches for teachers outside of his comfort
zone, teachers with different stories, backgrounds, philosophy, religion or way of thinking. Even their cooking would be lights years away
from his. And for me, it became a very defining moment. It was the day I understood and decided I
have a say (Even I wasn’t aware we were talking about abuse). At this very moment, I understood whatever
the future will bring to my door, it will be about my decisions, my desires, my dreams,
and not my past or my abuse. But even more important, I understood there
were answers to my questioning far from home. I understood I could in a matter of years
change my life’s references. At the time, I didn’t understand the word
paradigm but I was guessing it from far away. I didn’t understand the amount of work or
failures I will need to face to become who I am today. But I was ready to talk the walk and walk
the talk. Please comment below about a subject you are
struggling with regarding your healing process and I would be happy to treat the subject
on future videos. Conclusion
I will leave you with a scene of one of my top three films (ever and ever) named: A beautiful
mind. A wink to the tricks of the mind. When you simply can’t be trusting yourself
or your mind and still be incredibly successful. Please join my official Facebook page (link
below) where I share tips and knowledge about the healing process. IF YOU LIKE THIS VIDEO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW
BY LIKING IT, SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE IT WITH YOUR FELLOW LADIES. If you find it helpful, (and even if not)
please COMMENT BELOW and leave your feedback. It will allow me to take your feedback into
consideration and improve next time. Have a beautiful day ladies

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