How To Influence Someone Without Them Knowing


We grew up being told that being liked or getting a date, getting a promotion or a sale is based on who is the most qualified but that’s not always the case; being nice is not always rewarded in social situations and the hardest worker does not often get the promotion or the sale So today, I want to give you three ways that you can influence how people feel about you that is nothing to do with your qualifications or your words and is 100% in your control. So the first thing is how to game something called the Stereotype Content Model. And it sounds fancy but it’s very easy they did a study about warmth — the idea of someone being warm that we normally think is generated by the person being friendly or smiling or making us laugh. But one very clever social psychologist had the idea — what if that warmth is actually used because it’s similar to physical warmth? So he did a study that went like this — you come up as the participant and you see me holding a clipboard a pen and a cup of coffee and I asked you to hold that coffee while I asked a couple questions; we’re riding an escalator towards where you think the study starts and I said, “What’s your name? What’s your date of birth…”
all sorts of information like that and I’m filling out a sheet. Meanwhile, half of the participants are holding iced coffee and half of the participants are holding hot coffee and then they all go and they read a description of various people and they rate them in terms of who they think is friendly or warm or cold or distant and who they would like and who they would dislike and it turns out that the people holding the coffee that is hot are more likely to think that the people they’re reading about are friendly and warm and someone they’d like to know even though
everyone involved is reading the same descriptions. So what does that mean for you? It means if you can create physical warmth in people especially when you’re just meeting them that they will like you more which is crazy because there’s a ton of ways to do this — you can give someone a coffee, you can control the temperature in your office… If you’re going on a date and your date is cold, you may want to give them your jacket not just in the name of chivalry but in the name of making sure
that they don’t then dislike you because they’re physically cold. If you are having a big business meeting, make sure that the temperature is comfortable or even a little warm because that sales prospect is suddenly going to like you more. Now the second thing that you can do to influence how somebody feels about you has to do with manipulating what they think about
right before they think about you or your ask. And this comes from Robert Cialdini’s book Pre-suasion and i think it’s fascinating because it applies to dating, friendship, business…
there’s so many ways this can benefit you. The study they did was they had an attractive guy go up to women in front of a florist, a flower shop, a bakery, and a shoe store and had him used
the exact same words to ask for a girl’s phone number. Super simple — he just said his name, that they were attractive,
that he had to go but, “Could I get your phone number?” And when he was standing in front of a flower shop, he was twice as likely to get the phone number. Think about what that could mean for you in
terms of sales or dates or friendship; it’s crazy. Why did this happen? It’s because flowers primed the women to think about romance in a way that shoe stores and bakeries don’t. So obviously, if you’re gonna ask someone out and there happens to be a flower shop nearby that’s great for you but how else can this apply? Go to a restaurant with flowers? Wear flowers? Flowers everywhere? I’m being facetious but you have to think about what your environment is priming for this other
person that might influence how they feel about you. And I see this especially in business when people
have meetings in coffee shops; they go to Starbucks. But Starbucks doesn’t code for success so if someone’s pitching you something and you’re in a Starbucks, they’re not doing themselves any favors. If they go to a nice steak house or a Country Club, all of a sudden, you’re thinking about money and success and you’re seeing all this stuff and you’re
much more likely to say yes to whatever their proposal is. Now the third way that you can manipulate somebody into liking you more or thinking something about you is by thinking about the image you project. And there’s an incredible study that was done in France that highlights this amazingly. They had a guy walk up and again, ask women out because it’s just an easy binary way to see how someone feels about you. Half the time, he had a gym bag and half the time, he had a guitar case and he was three times more likely to get the phone number when he had the guitar case. That’s crazy. Three hundred percent increase in getting dates or business is wild and it’s just by what you project — specifically
what you’re wearing and what’s in your hands. So how does this impact your life? Again, I guess you could just walk around with a guitar case but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you play guitar. But let’s say that you’re going into a business meeting; it could be for a pitch or it could just be in your office but you want your bosses to respect you and listen to you. Don’t go in with a binder that looks like a sixth-grader’s English binder. Get a nice black pen, get a nice leather binder, and make yourself put together; suddenly, you look like somebody whose ideas should be taken seriously. I saw this myself at a conference with my buddy who did this brilliantly. Everybody was wearing jeans and t-shirts or sweatpants because it’s just a conference where you’re allegedly there to learn from speakers but he was there to hire and he rocked up in a beautiful tailored suit and it doesn’t matter if this was a name-brand suit or a cheap suit — I have no idea — but he stood out in the crowd. And immediately, if he’s talking to you about working for his business, you assume his business is successful because of how good he looks. So that’s three ways that you can manipulate how people feel about you that has nothing to do with your qualifications your resume or even the words that you say. If you want to learn more about how to make an amazing first impression every time, Charlie made a video on the four emotions that guarantee a great first impression If you want that video, just click the link in the description or here and put your email in; we will send it to you and if you haven’t already, subscribe for more videos. Thank you so much for watching, I really appreciate it, and I will see you in the next one.

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